“White Gold” by Cotton Mather
“White Gold” by Cotton Mather
The Gospels are heavy on nouns and verbs. But the authors of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John didn’t bother with adjectives so much, especially when it came to describing Jesus. Due to the later Byzantine artistic depictions, which evoked a Zeus-like image, we’ve seen him through the ages with long hair, beard and so forth. Very white and pretty. More Brad Pitt than Danny DeVito. If I could send one writer back in time to chronicle a different gospel, I’d choose Walker Percy. He’d have captured the cultural tensions with wry Louisiana humor, made the Romans more human, the disciples more bumbling, and the whole situation doomed from the get-go. Also maybe we’d know, for instance, if Jesus was a good dresser. Obviously he had no shortage of charisma, and from what I’ve observed, most charismatic personalities really know how to put themselves together, even with limited wardrobe options. My son has the same baseball uniform, save the number, as all of his teammates, but when he walks out on the diamond he’s Mack the Knife standing amongst a collection of rumpled, twisted-about Astros gear advertising Jake’s Plumbing Services.
The 22nd hexagram of the I Ching, Adornment, concerns itself with how one cultivates and projects image – whether it is defined by superficial means or by something more pure that emanates from within. In the reading’s sixth line, the most admirable version of adornment is offered. “Adorning with pure white” refers to a person possessing virtue and simplicity as their primary traits. Although Jesus would have worn traditional robes, at his Transfiguration in Matthew 27, his robe has turned a “dazzling white”. Since this is one of the rare moments the Gospel offers a visual, I thought I’d embellish a few memorable texts just for the heck of it.
“One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. 2 He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats belonging to Simon, one long leg at a time, his ochre colored chiton billowing in the salt air. and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and addressed the people in his stentorian voice, from the boat. ”
“40. A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” 41 Jesus was indignant. He reached out his tawny, muscular hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” 42 Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed.”
In those robe- wearing days at least you can appreciate the fact that no one would have felt the need to adorn themselves with… Butt Enhancing Briefs
Yes it’s true! These exist, people. I’ve seen them advertised online and they’re selling like hot cakes or perhaps I should say hot crossed buns. And if you’re a guy considering this purchase, I’m guessing you’ve been spending way too much time reading Cosmopolitan or online dating tips, but not much time in the gym. What exactly is the long-range plan here? Let’s say you’ve successfully wooed her with your artificially curvilinear derrière, and the time has come to, well you know, take things to the boudoir? What are you going to do? Leave your false rear end at home and tell her your forgot to work out that day? With Adornment, the I Ching addresses a superficial versus a character-based presentation of the self, citing examples of false ornamentation- such as beards, silks and carriages but it says nothing about a fake ass! Perhaps an updated translation could read: “Adorning with foam butt. In the end, humiliation”.
On the other hand, these could be most useful during basketball season for sitting on those bleachers.
“White Gold” by Cotton Mather was performed by Robert Harrison, Whit Williams, and Dana Myzer. Recorded by Robert and Lars Goransson and mixed by RH.